(This post is written for the Indiblogger contest “Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage”)
Let your heart speak out honestly.
Do you envy the couple in the below picture?
My imagination travels out of boundary and makes me think and feel the love between their hearts. The smile which they have on their old wrinkled face communicates lot of unspoken words. How blissful they are, laughing together and talking endlessly about the precious times they had together.
How many times have we seen old couples like them leaning against each other and walking hand-in-hand in beach? For them life is an eternal bliss.
What do you think is that which has wired their marriage and binds them together even at that age. It is love - PURE LOVE, selfless and giving. They know to love and hence nothing in life is so hard to them. Everything has freshness and reason and all is as it is. Love enables them to see world in a whole new light.
If you want to live 100 beautiful years with our love, then think of love.
And we (me and my husband) made it a point to have this picture in our wedding invite.
In the picture you could see the couple walk around the sacred fire, the bride leading, and take solemn vows of loyalty, steadfast love and life-long fidelity to each other. It is called Pratigna Karan and this is one of the rituals in almost all Hindu weddings. During this sacred fire ceremony called Viva-Homa the bride and the groom walk slowly around the sacred fire seven times.
And ya, we also made a vow to have a life of sharing, caring and eternal love to create a beautiful life.
And wait ours was not a love marriage but a purely arranged marriage. But no, we were not bound to love each other forcefully. The mutual admiration for each other made us show the real care and love.
And here is the lovely start to our tale…
In one of the initial letters he wrote me he says, “One fine evening when my mom told me she has a girl for me and told me your name, my instinct said, she is for you. It was unbelievable for a guy like me. I didn't sleep that night and was just thinking aimlessly about your name, talking to myself, wondering what’s new with me.
God, I was waiting for that instinct to happen only after seeing a girl, but how come that happened to me just by hearing the name.
You were stranger to me till that moment, falling in Love with a person without seeing her is the crazy thing, and deciding to marry her without even speaking a word is even crazier. All I felt was a bonding much beautiful like a breeze, like a rain, like a child’s smile which made me travel past the time and see me inside your eyes.
My thought on arranged marriage was that, Mom will get a girl for me, elders will get together, I will see a girl, she will see me, we both will be forced to like each other, formalities done, marriage and then after marriage we as couple will start to like/love each other given that we have no other choice.
Truth was other way round, I fell in love in first place, to be frank and I was praying and wishing that you should like me too.”
And the moment I saw him my instinct told me ‘He is the guy for you’. And I gave a quick YES. And we are happily married now for a year.
Marriage is not about getting the tailor-made person and the perfect fit for you. No one is ideal. It’s about seeing something beyond the imperfections and seeing a whole new world through their eyes, it’s about that one spark with a particular person whether you meet or parents arrange.
I agree marriage is bliss only when you are with the right person, otherwise marriage becomes a living hell. So how do you find the right partner? Should I choose myself or let it in the hands of my parents…
I strongly believe that marriages are made in heaven. Sounds cliché but very true. Two people who are meant to be with each other will unite and get married and have love in their lives no matter what type of marriage they undergo.
First of all couples getting forced to get together in an arranged setup is all on old farce. Gone are those days when a girl returns home from school/ college on a fine evening and to her shock sees her prospective groom and family waiting earnestly for her. And quickly she is made to dress like a bride, ordered to give tea and snacks to them. The fearful and shy bride dares not to see the grooms face and is forced to give a quick consent. Gone are those days. (Eventhough they may be happening in some rare situations and very conservative communities).
Now-a-days even in an arranged setup, parents give their children a free choice. And give time for the boy and girl to know each other to see if they are comfortable. They spend quality time knowing each other before getting engaged. No one is forced to get married according to the wish of elders and parents. Parents have become more liberal now. And girls and boys have become more matured, shrewd, independent and they take wise decisions.
And there are also people who are lucky enough to find their life partners on their own. And couples who are able to sustain and blossom their love are even more luckier.
But remember, love during courtship days is delusionary. Couples give in to each other’s whims and fancies. They are free spirited and independent at that age and rarely become judgemental of each other’s actions in fear of losing them. They think they are made up for each other.
Only when you enter a marriage setup and when you are bound to be with each other for life you get to know the harsh realities of your partner. He/she may no longer seem to give in to your ideas, views and opinions. High expectations, need for independence and ego are leading to more clashes. As much as the young gen has become decisive, they have also become more fickle minded.
What do you do then? Do you break away or make a few compromises on the way for your loved one.
Ya, everyone has their own likes and dislikes, and in marriage, it's all about understanding each other's feelings. No harm in making a few compromises, no harm in being imperfect.
So if the couple is understanding of each other, love can blossom in any kind of marriage – love or arranged. Hatredness and hostility can also creep into our lives in any kind of marriage – love or arranged. There is no magic formula for an ideal life together. Be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage by elders its all about arrangement between two individuals. Self respect and mutual admiration of each other’s qualities is what needed for a successful married life.
And finally, be it love or arranged marriage; in an Indian setup its all in the family. You cannot cut the family ties altogether to lead a stray life. That destroys the marriage bliss. You were the apple of your parent’s eyes and all they foresee is a happy life for you. And you suddenly go astray and leave them with weeping eyes? What a pity. Now-a-days parents have known the importance of a blissful married life and are more forthcoming, ready to give a quick consent provided you are decisive and open to them about your love. And I am also seeing more of love marriages and inter caste marriage even in conservative communities with the consent of parents.
So what more now…get ready for your big D-day with the blessings of your parents. And enjoy your courtship days!
The feelings of goosebumps and excitement you get when your partner ties the mangal sutra with the nadhaswaram music played at the background is unexplainable.
Ya those are magic moments and I am able to recall them - it was such a blessed and magic moment in our lives with every near and dear ones wishing us a happy life ahead. Those are moments to cherish – with a beginning of a special bond of love.
And ya, we’re going to talk about all these things and all finest and beautiful things which are yet to be come up in our life after 50 years; walking together, hands holding each other and other hand holding walking sticks, with grandchildren running just ahead of us on a sunset evening, in a beach:)
This post is written for the Indiblogger contest “Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage”. If you like this post, do vote for it here. And also check out the facebook page of the serial ‘Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage’ here which is being aired on Sony Television.
